Ever since Indiana Jones famously swashbuckeled his way onscreen in 1981, studios have been chasing after recreating that dashing action-adventure treasure hunting caper that can win over mass audiences. The tough love is that there are very few that actually succeed. The closest might be the 1999 Mummy movie or perhaps the popular Uncharted video games. For some the National Treasure movies might apply. Unfortunately, most of these Indiana Jones hopefuls end up being proven unworthy of one’s time and especially in comparison to the great Dr. Jones, and so The Fountain of Youth also fails to recapture that excitement. The reportedly $180-million Apple TV original is directed by Guy Ritchie (Aladdin, The Gentlemen) and stars John Krasinski and Natalie Portman as the Purdue siblings who are racing to discover the famed Fountain of Youth before another team of shady corporate archeologists (booo!), that feature’s an ex-girlfriend (Eiza Gonzalez) of our lead, gets there first. He’s a wild adventurer trying to clear his disgraced father’s name, and she’s a professor who’s settled down with a family and needs a reminder of her adventurer roots. These kinds of movies live and breathe by their set pieces and charm. The problem with The Fountain of Youth is how forced everything feels. Krasinski can be a very charming actor, as evidenced to any fan of the American Office, but he’s the wrong kind of energy for this role. His carefree attitude comes across as smarmy and detached. Portman is also completely wrong for her role, never finding a degree of fun for her character, only becoming the nagging tag-along. There are some intriguing set pieces, especially aboard the literal Lusitania as it’s dredged back to the surface and then begins sinking again. That’s the highlight of the movie and it happens before the hour mark of a two-hour experience. Ritchie feels restrained in his application of his signature style, once more feeling like a journeyman for hire. The final setting whereupon our characters do find the Fountain of Youth is anticlimactic and builds up its magic hokum with late rule-changing as well as the most telegraphed villain turn. The movie’s tone is aiming for frivolity but because everything feels so forced and empty it instead comes across as obnoxious and tiresome. The drought continues.

Nate’s Grade: C